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CUMBRIA CONSTABULARY
HQ COMMS VOICE MAIL
“Welcome to Cumbria Police. If you have a touch tone phone, please press the hash key now.
Please choose from one of the following options
To complain about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created, please press 1
To complain about an officer giving you a producer when they should be out catching burglars, muggers and rapists, please press 2
To complain about an officers bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep you neighbourhood safe, please press 3
If you’d like us to raise your children, please press 4
If you’d like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependencies, please press 5
If you’d like us to instantly restore order to a situation that has taken years to deteriorate, please press 6
To provide a list of senior officers you know, so we won’t take enforcement action against you, please press 7
To sue us or tell us you pay our wages, to complain you never see a Police officer, or to proclaim our career is over, please press 8
To whine about a ticket and /or to complain about the many other uses for the Police rather than keeping your arse in line, please press 9
Please note your call may be monitored for statistical purposes and remember, we’re here to save your arse, not kiss it………………...
Thank you for calling Cumbria Police and have a nice day!”
HQ COMMS VOICE MAIL
“Welcome to Cumbria Police. If you have a touch tone phone, please press the hash key now.
Please choose from one of the following options
To complain about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created, please press 1
To complain about an officer giving you a producer when they should be out catching burglars, muggers and rapists, please press 2
To complain about an officers bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep you neighbourhood safe, please press 3
If you’d like us to raise your children, please press 4
If you’d like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependencies, please press 5
If you’d like us to instantly restore order to a situation that has taken years to deteriorate, please press 6
To provide a list of senior officers you know, so we won’t take enforcement action against you, please press 7
To sue us or tell us you pay our wages, to complain you never see a Police officer, or to proclaim our career is over, please press 8
To whine about a ticket and /or to complain about the many other uses for the Police rather than keeping your arse in line, please press 9
Please note your call may be monitored for statistical purposes and remember, we’re here to save your arse, not kiss it………………...
Thank you for calling Cumbria Police and have a nice day!”
