Well will we be paying to breath and walk in the future ? with the news that councils, are considering charges related to the size of our cars parked outside our very own houses it makes you wonder how far we can be taxed,retaxed and charged again for,lets see if we take the dog for a walk will it be charged by the mile ? by the size of the dog ? or by the length of the dogs legs ? then they could easily tax us for having a bath,or perhaps the shower would be cheaper as we would then use less water which means that by washing the car at the weekend it would incur a surcharge,unless we do it cheap rate during the week during the hours of 8 am until 12 noon ?
My goodness there is so much scope for these extra charges,I think that an application to the local council for a position as 'Chief Taxer of Taxations' is in order,but wait a minute I see there is a stipulation on the application form,it says that if this is your 25th or over job application you will be taxed,and there will be no chance of reclaiming it if you get the job !
So just how far can the Government,local council go to extract more money from our pockets ? this week I had cause to request that the water board come and sort out some rather smelly sewers in the street,one phone call to some clandestine office somewhere North of Warwick finally got me speaking to a real live human being ( you must remember them,two legs,two arms and a brain ?) as I finally exhausted umpteen phone numbers finally arriving at the first one given to me anyway I requested the phone number of said water board,the reply came well we are not allowed to give numbers out really ? one self composed Wonwing demanded to speak to higher echelon ! well ok then but do not tell them where you got the number from will you ? fine,fine just give me the dam number so that I can make this request,after dialling it I was then forwarded to the 'Compost promotion board' whoever they are supposed to be ? but what has all this got to do with sewers ? undeterred I delved deeper into the realms of the secret service aka Severn Trent to locate the real office,the real men behind smelly sewers,the ones armed with the tools to tackle any dirty depth of manhole,and finally I got through to a young man on the end of the line who asked me if he could be of some assistance ? well yes you can really,you see we have a rather smelly street at the moment,ah ! he said probably a bunged up sewer ? thats right I said how did you guess ? well now can I ask you a few questions ? certainly anything to get something done about it,well Mr Wonwing how many flies have you seen ? well give or take a few dozen,perhaps over one hundred,deathly pause on the other end of telephone as he writes down 'Overrrr...onnne...hundred flies observed' and now on a scale of 1 to 5 how bad is the smell ? well actually 5 as it is very bad just now,right said the young man,we will get someone out to sort the problem,so I am given a number,a much sought after job number,they are actually coming out,I have finally penetrated the secret machinery of Severn Trent water board.
Two days later a knock on the door,Mr Wonwing is it sir ? thats right,we have come about the complaint about a smell in the street,well do please step this way showing them a drain,they then vanish down the street lifting anything that resembles a manhole cover ! sticking their head inside every one,it transpires that the one they need is in a neighbours garden,well it would have to be the one that is owned by the most miserable character in a ten mile radius,knocks on the door to no avail,gate firmly locked so off they go into the distance still non the wiser and we still have the wretched smell,today I rang them again to request that they ring/write to said person to request access,I got a load of rubbish about not being able to do that ? well I said if you do not do something about it then it will be a letter to the local rag,stony silenceand then he blabbers something about well I suppose we could send her a letter,yes you do that.
I will keep you posted as to events when and if they happen ? so this is what we pay those taxes for,to seek out secret organisations when we badly need them,they no longer advertise their secret phone numbers,work from undisclosed offices accessed from underground service areas,and vanish into the blue so we cannot see or hear them.
