Mental health awareness

[Dave Ward]

Alan,
not something that was talked about, until comparatively recently. You then find out you're not alone - a good percentage of the people you know have problems. I suffered from clinical depression at one point in my life, and you can't describe the state it leaves you. I was lucky, I had some people with common sense around me, and my GP was very good.
One of these things that once you recognise you have a problem, and others accept it, then that's a good base to start to improve things. I don't think it is ever really cured. I did do Cognitive Behaviour Therapy at the time, which helped, along with anti-depressants - but now I just take a very low dose of pills. Once you've experienced it, you can see it in others and often just chatting helps, and letting them know that they're not alone...............
Dave

[Ian M]

Sorry for your loss Al, my condolences to the family.
It takes an honest and brave person to come out with such a personal and taboo subject.

[AlanG]

Thanks to everyone that replied. It means a lot.

I am away from the forum for a couple of days next week as it is Neil's funeral. So please behave and more importantly. Be kind and respectful to each other.

We as a society are moving in the right direction regarding mental health these days. I'm sure many of us grew up in an age where 'big boys don't cry' and 'don't show emotion as it's a sign of weakness'. Well that's a load of BS.
I openly admit i cry on occasions. It's totally fine to do so. It helps get the built up emotions out. I never used to though and that is some of the reasons why nobody knew i had a problem until it was too late. I hid my emotions and so everyone thought i was doing ok. That was until the day(s) i tried to take my own life.
So i say again to you all. It is totally ok to talk and/or seek help. I most certainly will not stigmatize you.

Again. Thanks to all.

[Tim Marlow]

Thanks to everyone that replied. It means a lot.

I am away from the forum for a couple of days next week as it is Neil's funeral. So please behave and more importantly. Be kind and respectful to each other.

We as a society are moving in the right direction regarding mental health these days. I'm sure many of us grew up in an age where 'big boys don't cry' and 'don't show emotion as it's a sign of weakness'. Well that's a load of BS.
I openly admit i cry on occasions. It's totally fine to do so. It helps get the built up emotions out. I never used to though and that is some of the reasons why nobody knew i had a problem until it was too late. I hid my emotions and so everyone thought i was doing ok. That was until the day(s) i tried to take my own life.
So i say again to you all. It is totally ok to talk and/or seek help. I most certainly will not stigmatize you.

Again. Thanks to all.

Nailed that 100% Alan. Nice one :thumb2:

[boatman]

Nailed that 100% Alan. Nice one :thumb2:

DITTO to what Tim said very true an i aggree fully
chrisb n jen

[Guest]

Alan,
If someone is determined to end their life you cannot stop them. And the for want of better words, guilt you feel is natural so I am told. Agreed we all have mental problems of one degree or another. It took untill 2001 and after my heart attack for the phyciatrist to inform me that I do in fact or suffer from ptsd. This started back in the 1970's when serving in the army, and it takes the form that I do not have or show remorse for anything I do or say. Since the diagnosis I have learned to control it, but when it comes to the front, you can bet someone suffers and that can take the form of verbal or in some cases a warranted physical act against someone who does not heed the warnings.
For years I went about my day as a grumpy bloke both young and older, I would chuck in a job at the flick of a switch, even to the point of starting a job and finishing on the same day, and like you not even bother to get out of bed for work or to answer the door.

So when you have an 'off' day, get on here and get it off your chest, and once you have done that then we can all suppport you.

Mike.

[Stefee]

Alan,

Just to say a massive well done and thank you for your brave message which has come at a most "opportune" time as one of my grandchildren is being sectioned after 2 failed suicide attempts (only 13 years old) and reading of your trials has prompted me to convene a family pow wow to set out a recovery strategy - so out of tradgedy some good does spring forth.
My first wife was killed some 30 years ago when my grandchild mother was only 6 years old and we can both attest to how dark things can become but just talking to someone either professionally or a mate casually almost invariably does some good.
As I was told all those years ago, one day at a time.
Condolences from myself and extended family.

[Waspie]

Alan,
If someone is determined to end their life you cannot stop them. And the for want of better words, guilt you feel is natural so I am told. Agreed we all have mental problems of one degree or another. It took untill 2001 and after my heart attack for the phyciatrist to inform me that I do in fact or suffer from ptsd. This started back in the 1970's when serving in the army, and it takes the form that I do not have or show remorse for anything I do or say. Since the diagnosis I have learned to control it, but when it comes to the front, you can bet someone suffers and that can take the form of verbal or in some cases a warranted physical act against someone who does not heed the warnings.
For years I went about my day as a grumpy bloke both young and older, I would chuck in a job at the flick of a switch, even to the point of starting a job and finishing on the same day, and like you not even bother to get out of bed for work or to answer the door.

So when you have an 'off' day, get on here and get it off your chest, and once you have done that then we can all suppport you.

Mike.

I can empathise to agree with all you say. I took 20 odd years for my PTSD to come to the surface. I'd successfully hidden it away from friends and family. Then 'boom' it just hit me. broke down, became a blubbering mess. Angry, raging, then tears couldn't understand. Saw a Doc who booked me in for some CBT. Tried to put me on drugs but I resisted. Not sure if that was right or wrong. CBT didn't achieve anything for me personally, my therapist and I agreed to discontinue the sessions but keep in touch. What I got out of it was, don't hide it, talk about it, get it out. I still get the flash backs, I still see the traumas, it upsets me but my wife knows the signs now although she still doesn't understand she does what she can. Sons are great, they help me lots now they know.

[Jim R]

Well said Alan. The message to us all, that comes across clearly, is don't bottle up your feelings, talk and share and don't feel ashamed or weak.
I wish you all the best, you're a brave man.

[Andy the Sheep]

Alan, thank you for your message.
Due to some lack in my language skills I dare not to enter into much too complex reasoning about mental health, but be sure that, as the other members have pointed out, this is a place where you can find people ready to listen and offer help.
My heartfelt condolences to you and your family for the sad loss; unfortunately, I know what kind of scars those deaths leave in parents, relatives and friends and I really feel for you all.

[Del640]

It's good to talk as they say.

I got back into modelling after having a breakdown and being diagnosed with Complex PTSD.

Without going into detail I dealt with too many fatalities in my old job.

I found sharing and talking things over with others helped immensely.

Your not alone, you have friends.

Good luck.

Del.

[adt70hk]

Firstly i shall point out that this is not a 'woe is me thread'. I am just writing it to get this off my chest.

As some of you know on here that i suffer with my mental health a lot on occasions. This can range from a simple 'quiet day' to a full blown 'can't leave my bed day'. In the past it has even got as far as a 'stop breathing day'.

This past week and a bit has been a massive pendulum for myself and most of my close family. My brother-in-law went missing a week last Thursday and his body was found on the following Sunday. He had taken his own life.

There are personal reasons as to why he spiraled down to the dark depths but i am not going to go into them. Suffice to say. He was in a horrible mental state. I hold no grudge or anger towards him. But for the grace of something, i could have been there myself many times in the past.

What i am trying to say is. It's ok to feel down. We all have some form of mental health issue. The main thing is to recognize it and talk to someone, anyone, about it. If it requires you to see a doctor, then so be it. There is no shame in holding your hand up and asking for help. And if anyone says different. Then more fool them and they can do one.

It's also ok to ask someone if they are ok..... twice! The person may not see a change in their attitude, but loved ones, friends and work colleagues might. So take that person aside and ask. You never know. It might help them more than you can imagine.

I just wish i had asked the question to my brother-in-law, Neil. Maybe, just maybe i could have helped a little. He was a fantastic, loving, devoted father to four children. They are now in bits and we have to pick up the pieces. I shall never condemn him. I understand where he was mentally.

So guys (and gals). Take care of yourself and each other. We are a community that can offer friendship, advice and help. Use it! Never feel afraid or ashamed to ask for help. My PM box is always open if you need a chat or pointers where to go for help.

One final thing. I would like to personally and publicly thank BattleshipBob and Julie for their support over this past week and a bit. Your advice and support is greatly appreciated

Good morning Al

I just wanted to offer my very belated condolences for your loss and as the others have said well done for for being so open and honest. We are all here for you, even if only in the virtual world.

Yours

Andrew

[Guest]

I can empathise to agree with all you say. I took 20 odd years for my PTSD to come to the surface. I'd successfully hidden it away from friends and family. Then 'boom' it just hit me. broke down, became a blubbering mess. Angry, raging, then tears couldn't understand. Saw a Doc who booked me in for some CBT. Tried to put me on drugs but I resisted. Not sure if that was right or wrong. CBT didn't achieve anything for me personally, my therapist and I agreed to discontinue the sessions but keep in touch. What I got out of it was, don't hide it, talk about it, get it out. I still get the flash backs, I still see the traumas, it upsets me but my wife knows the signs now although she still doesn't understand she does what she can. Sons are great, they help me lots now they know.

Doug,
Fully agree.
Wife - knows what ptsd is, but cannot really grasp what it is mentally affecting me. But give her all due respect she takes the rough times with the smooth. She has even had me locked up overnight when I had a really bad turn and would not calm down :smiling5:
And I agree talking about it works, but I do have to laugh inside sometimes when I explain the form mine takes, you can see the person you are talking to take a step back and check the gate is open ready for the quick escape when the horns come out and the forked tail drops out of your pants.....:anguished: But the neighbours have had a few laughs in the past, me taking the old pc monitor for a walk up the path by its lead, or chasing the insistant political candidate out of the gate which would not open and he had to climb over the fence and got his pants caught, or asking the young copper at the hospital just after my father died if that now makes me an orphan, and I am not going to tell about how I was refused a place on an Anger Management Course because I was too angry.... But life goes on, and we adapt and live with what we have been dealt. I have seen friends and family come and go through this, and have even walked off this forum a couple of times, but still here plodding on with my one release - modelling.

[PsiFox]

My condolences for your loss Alan.

Mental Health is still an issue people won‘t or don’t want to acknowledge.
I’ve been around it most of my life and one of my kids is a high function Autistic with Borderline Personality disorder and it was a struggle.

I have now my own experiences of mental health issues.
after my life threatening infection was discovered after my surgery last year, I spent 4 weeks in isolation due to my compromised immune system in hospital. Medical staff only came in to administer treatment or serve meals apart from that I was alone. My wife is disabled and without me could not easily assemble her mobility scooter to get from the car park to me and it was hurting her severely so I told her to come less often so once every three days Was the usual visit.
unfortunately the hospital internet was appalling and was so slow video was completely out. I had no tv and just 4 walls to look at. I tried to sneak out for a change once and was promptly told I could not leave my room unless I was going to surgery.
I was and still,am on very high doses of morphine and other pain meds and during the second 2 weeks of my stay I became aware that as I was coming out of a usually,drug induced sleep I was talking to myself and shadows on the wall, but no one seemed interested.

obviously getting out of hospital has helped but that was last August and now I’m in a different prison I guess.
Apart from hospital visits I have left the house left than 12 times. It’s painful to get in the car and after a couple of hours I’m in extra pain and need to go home and lie down on the hospital bed in our living room, where I sleep at night.

My mental health has improved but I still get low at times especially with concern over what could happen when I have surgery to repair the damage that’s been done. I’m told that any surgery at all in the future will always carry a 40% chance of serious complications, I live with the possibility of brain tumours, my heart valves being destroyed and damage to my spine.

The original infection gave me SEPSIS. Many people don’t realise but
sepsis kills more people in GB than die of breast cancer, bowel cancer and prostate cancer combined.

There is a charity the SEPSIS trust and I have been working with them to help promote awareness of this little known killer that attacks anyone of any age and can kill in as little as 12 hours.

Telling my story has helped and they have a phone line so if I feel particularly low I can ring someone outside the family and just natter away, and it helps.

Starting modelling has helped, we don’t have much money as my wife is long term disabled and I’m now registered as unable to work, I was self employed but lost my new start up when covid hit and we now live on disability benefits because our savings are exhausted. I sold my Jag which was my mid life crisis and we have paid off the mortgage. I fund my modelling by selling off my watch collection, but it means purchases are usually well though out as I can’t snap up that bargain as I don’t often have money spare but I have a nice 9 kit stash now.

unfortunately I can manage about 2 hours a day before it gets to uncomfortable. I’m on my second kit since new year as the first took me about 4 months, so it’s slow progress but there is a sense of achieving something that I haven’t had for some time now.

I have been a bit low today as the pain for whatever reason is excruciating and none of my pain meds are making even the slightest dent, but writing this makes me feel a little better Modelling is out of the question.

I had when I was younger a voluntary occupation that at its worst dealt with serious injuries or death, as Alan said in those days society expected you to suck it up, but the teams I worked with would always meet after the event to talk it out and passers by must have wondered why a dozen or so grown men were sitting with cups of tea bawling their eyes out and also laughing.

I guess what I’m trying to say is it can affect anyone at any time and it’s going to be different for everyone. I never thought I would suffer from mental health issues, but be aware that it’s good to talk to family or friends, bottling it up inside is the worst thing to do as it just festers and grows.

So I’m echoing Alan. I’m not afraid to cry openly, I know the benefit it brings to talk.

if anyone suffering and for whatever reason you can’t talk to family or friends, Samaritans is not just for suicidal thoughts, it’s for anyone that needs to talk To someone about anything.

https://www.samaritans.org/

https://sepsistrust.org/