Most dangerous place on earth!

[Jim R]

As a primary school teacher I have had 35 years of carol services, concerts and best of all infant Nativity plays. Those Nativity plays never failed to amaze. Little ones, word and action perfect throughout rehearsals, on the night became dumb, shouted "hello mum" to the proud parent in the third row, urinated on stage and then burst into tears or stood on the cloak of the king in front and created chaos. We had the obligatory 3 innkeepers, first two "No room", last one "I have a stable" - simples!! Not so when Mary and Joseph go to no 3 first, the other two shout at him because they felt short changed. Mary was required to lift the baby Son of God from the manger and present him to the gathered kings and shepherds. One year she lifted the doll (baby J) by his leg, dangled him upside down Infront of the adoring crowd and said in a loud voice"Behold, this is 'im". We once had a king who refused to give his present to Joseph because 'he wasn't his friend any more'
I could go on. You can appreciate why Christmas brings on the nightmares!

[Guest]

The Christmas shopping really baffles me! Long before I had any mobility issues, I started using Tesco online shopping ( not pushing Tesco, it's the one I'm used to! ). I have a delivery every two weeks - I start shopping the week before, adding/subtracting items until the night before delivery. As long as it's over £50, no picking charges. I don't impulse buy anything, and have yet to run out of anything ( notice you're running out of teabags? log on and add them straight away ), you can see all the offers in one place, and having the groceries delivered, you can take advantage of the heavy bulk buys! Delivery slots of an hour, and I haven't been disappointed yet ( 10 years+ of shopping ). For those who hate shopping ( like me ), and despise standing in checkout queues, it's wonderful - & now I can't walk far, essential. It may not be suitable for some people, but for me ideal!
ps I can book my delveries up to a month in advance & have several deliveries pending.
Sorry to sound like an advert, but it's a real alternative.
.................and yes, I tried ASDA as well, but Tesco are marginally better!
Dave

I used to use online shopping but SWMBO has the last word as she likes to 'browse', how the hell you can 'browse' over a lump of meat beats me.... So now it is shopping on our feet. And as for going into town to shop, I would rather have an enema, trawling through all those stores looking, not buying, just looking. Watched a you tube video last night of a woman 'browsing' in London, I got tired after 10 minutes and left SWMBO to watch the rest...

[Guest]

As a primary school teacher I have had 35 years of carol services, concerts and best of all infant Nativity plays. Those Nativity plays never failed to amaze. Little ones, word and action perfect throughout rehearsals, on the night became dumb, shouted "hello mum" to the proud parent in the third row, urinated on stage and then burst into tears or stood on the cloak of the king in front and created chaos. We had the obligatory 3 innkeepers, first two "No room", last one "I have a stable" - simples!! Not so when Mary and Joseph go to no 3 first, the other two shout at him because they felt short changed. Mary was required to lift the baby Son of God from the manger and present him to the gathered kings and shepherds. One year she lifted the doll (baby J) by his leg, dangled him upside down Infront of the adoring crowd and said in a loud voice"Behold, this is 'im). We once had a king who refused to give his present to Joseph because 'he wasn't his friend any more'
I could go on. You can appreciate why Christmas brings on the nightmares!

Jim, you have split my sides:tears-of-joy:, I can imagine the chaos, brilliant and I suffer with your pain....

[Waspie]

Jim, you have split my sides:tears-of-joy:, I can imagine the chaos, brilliant and I suffer with your pain....

And me!! Glad I didn’t have mid morning cuppa in my mit!!! :tears-of-joy:

[boatman]

AN YES Jim please go on as its gave me an jen a big laugh on this dreary rainy morn so more please of the childrens antics at the nativity plays
jen an chrisb

[Tim Marlow]

Before I retired and SWMBO decided to keep me employed with other duties in and around the house, I worked as a truck driver for 30 years, and I have seen them all and in all seasons, from the mild to the utterly stupid to the pornographic.... I have had ethnic car drivers try to squeeze between two trucks where in fact all there was, was the white line. The French motorist with a bloody great big Xmas tree driving around the Periferique (Paris ring road) sticking out of a window on either side of the car. Just about to miss his junction and ended up straddled across the armco barrier - sideways... The UK tourist coming up to the toll booth at St Omer in their Transit mini bus and doing warp factor 10 - not realising that there was a height restriction and took the roof rack straith off and never disturbed a thing that was tied down... Or the Fiat 127 I think in Romania, ca,e hurtling around a bend on the opposite side of the road (head on) No windoes in the car at all, flat tryes all round, and the guy driving it clad in a flying helmet complete with goggles - missed me and went bouncing through the wheat field never to be seen again... The caravan driver on the M6 north of Carlisle, middle lane and waving not weaving but waving from side to side going down hill, caravan jack knifed and I drove straight through it, clothes. pots, pans it all went skywards, damn thing just exploded. Or the Moscow police stopping me on their ring road nearly being collected by a mad Russian truck driver... Got all my paperwork and the 10$ bribe all ready for him... All he wanted was a biro pen.... Or little van driver with his nice mature lady slowly passing me on the M25 he with a smile and she laying there like the ace of spades smiling up at me....
Xmas - as you can imagine being away from home at this time of the year both in the army and as a truck driver has worn out the festive season in me, coming home three days after it is all over, eating a turkey dinner on the ferry and then having to sit down at home and eat - yet another turkey dinner - your stomach can only take so much!!
Supermarket shoppers - Do they intentionally go completely blank even before they get in the car park - one all done up to look like best lamb trying to park her car in the little hut where you leave your trolly and then complaining that people are so inconsiderate leaving the trollies in there!!! The woman with a couple of items in her hand that I allowed to go ahead of me, (what a nice man) she put them on the belt and then turned around and got the trolly, one of the big ones and it was full to the brim and over with food etc.... Or the shoppers trying to out do their xmas guests - coffee isle (load screechy voice) "Henry, is this the coffee that the nice young man on Garden Rescue drinks, do you think it is better than what Joyce has???" Poor fg Henry having to live with that.... The vegans complaining that there is far too much turkey and chicken on the shelves... Or the woman in the wine and beer isle trying to sample the goods before buying!!! They really amaze me, I spend my time while SWMBO is getting what we need to cover us for the two days, looking and laughing at the antics.
It defies belief or is it that I am now far too old even for the ghosts that visited Scrooge to visit me...
Don't worry Dave, you are not alone, there is no Xmas now on a commercial variation.

Have you ever thought that perhaps you are a sort of looney magnet Mike. You seem to see things that most of us just, well, don’t, I do recall seeing a guy parking in the middle of the road to go into a shop in Tuscany mind. Oh, and the guy in Indonesia transporting eight foot lengths of sugar cane sideways on his moped was pretty funny…..:smiling:

[Tim Marlow]

As a primary school teacher I have had 35 years of carol services, concerts and best of all infant Nativity plays. Those Nativity plays never failed to amaze. Little ones, word and action perfect throughout rehearsals, on the night became dumb, shouted "hello mum" to the proud parent in the third row, urinated on stage and then burst into tears or stood on the cloak of the king in front and created chaos. We had the obligatory 3 innkeepers, first two "No room", last one "I have a stable" - simples!! Not so when Mary and Joseph go to no 3 first, the other two shout at him because they felt short changed. Mary was required to lift the baby Son of God from the manger and present him to the gathered kings and shepherds. One year she lifted the doll (baby J) by his leg, dangled him upside down Infront of the adoring crowd and said in a loud voice"Behold, this is 'im". We once had a king who refused to give his present to Joseph because 'he wasn't his friend any more'
I could go on. You can appreciate why Christmas brings on the nightmares!

Never work with children and animals Jim :smiling:
Reminds me of an incident with my daughter, well at least two actually…….one day the little beggar was playing with the phone, so I took it off her, told her not to do that, and put it back on the stand. About five minutes later there was a knock on the door. I opened it and there was a large police Sergeant and two constables. It turned out she had dialled 999 and they were convinced there was a crime going on because they couldn’t get a reply. Happy they were not:disappointed2:
Another incident involved a woman that lived down the road. It was a terraced road with in street parking…..Now, she couldn’t park! In fact, her nickname in our house was “Braille lady” because she parked by feel, hitting one or both bumpers of the cars either side on her way into the space. One day I was passing the time of day with her in the street and she said hello to the daughter. Daughter didn’t reply, so I said “Don’t be rude, say hello“. She promptly looked at me and said “I can’t reply daddy, I don’t know what the Braille lady’s name is”. As I said….never work with children or animals…..

[Lee W]

Have you also noticed that where there are painted parking bays they are purely for guidance only as long as theres part of your car in it that counts as parked.

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to parking, a certain breed if driver gets tarnished... can't think why?!

[boatman]

YES IVE seen this Lee
chrisb

[Waspie]

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to parking, a certain breed if driver gets tarnished... can't think why?!

[ATTACH=CONFIG]n1214084[/ATTACH]

Aww, come-on Lee, be fair! He/she/whatever has at least one wheel in the nominated area!! That must surely count for something!!!!!!

[Waspie]

I think I should also be offended!!!! I just realised my Mini is a BMW by another name!!!
Caveat.
I know where the indicators are and I'm not frightened to use them!!!

[JayCee]

Here in Cyprus if you park your car and are only using two spaces you are (1) an amateur or (2) a Brit. Three spaces is the preferred Cypriot parking. I learned how to do it bout 50 years ago, ready to take my test.
John.

[Lee W]

Aww, come-on Lee, be fair! He/she/whatever has at least one wheel in the nominated area!! That must surely count for something!!!!!!

Looks like it should be playing tetris, trying to fit in the gap! :tears-of-joy:

[Dave Ward]

You know what they say " If you're buying a secondhand Beemer, don't bother checking the indicators - they've never been used!"
Dave

[Richard48]

And let's not forget trolley rage and incompetence ...
Steve :face-with-head-bandage:

Oh indeed Steve.Charging around like Max Verstappen with trollies,Soooo many Spunk trumpets around.