Don't get me wrong folks, but up until a few days ago, the last football match I watched all the way through was in 1966. I don't have to tell you what game that was, but as I'm starting to run out of stuff to do 'til I start my meds to get rid of the shakes, I thought I'd have a look at some of the Euro matches - bearing in mind that the competition is attracting more interest and coverage than Covid. Oh Gods! What can I say?
The quality of the acting is apalling! I've seen better in Nativity plays. Any player who gets within a couple of feet of his opponent is risking a yellow/red card - but only after the player he gets close to has checked that the ref is watching before he falls over and rolls in apparent agony. And that's after a contact that any five year old would ignore if it happened in the playground.
I actually heard a commentator congratulating a player for the quality and subtlety of his foul play! What kind of sport is that?!
I thought the idea was to score more goals than the opposing side. I won't pretend to follow all the intricacies of the game, but I lost count of the number of times the attacking sides took three or four passes back to their own goalie from the penalty area of their opponents - only for him to pass it back up the field to where they started. And the sheer amount of time spent passing the ball around on or near the halfway line is unreal. If they deleted all of that from a recording of a match, you could get all the interesting bits done in about 10 minutes - leaving you about 80 minutes to do something more exciting - like maybe sorting your sock drawer!
What's the idea behind the throw-in? Lineouts in rugby are taken from the spot where the ball goes out of play as determined by the touch judge. In football it seems anywhere within 10 yards of the spot - in whichever direction is the most advantageous to the side throwing in - is OK.
I can't take any of that seriously, but I have learned one thing about the game. If ever I'm struggling to get to sleep, all I need to do is find some game on TV - there's always one somewhere - and watch it for 10 minutes or so. It's simply the best cure for insomnia I've come across! It does leave me a problem though. And that's the crick in my neck I get from falling asleep on the sofa. That would be worth a few weeks sick leave for a footballer!
Don't mind me folks. I've not played football for decades. The last thing I remember doing was letting my best mate teach me how to tackle. He had the ball and I faced him and took it away with just one touch of my foot. He promptly told me I was wrong 'cos I hadn't shuffled my feet around like proper players. Me? Gullible? Yes, but he was my best mate and I was only about 4 years old so I believed him. Consequently I shuffled around but I never got the ball away from him again so I totally lost interest.
I'm going back to ebay to see if I can find more of those books you guys have recommended in the last couple of days.
PS I've just read through this and I can almost hear the death threats from the fans already. Not to worry, a bit of danger will spice up my life so I'm going for it! And it will give them something to argue about with other fans deciding the exact manner of my demise. P'raps they could do that during the 80 minutes or so when nothing else is happening?
PPS I have said I have no understanding of the game and even less interest in learning, so attempts to teach me what I'm missing will be falling on sterile, stony ground. I'm much too old a dog to be learning new tricks. Sorry guys.
PPPS It's only after writing all this that I've realised just how much I dislike the game! But I promise I won't mention it again.
The quality of the acting is apalling! I've seen better in Nativity plays. Any player who gets within a couple of feet of his opponent is risking a yellow/red card - but only after the player he gets close to has checked that the ref is watching before he falls over and rolls in apparent agony. And that's after a contact that any five year old would ignore if it happened in the playground.
I actually heard a commentator congratulating a player for the quality and subtlety of his foul play! What kind of sport is that?!
I thought the idea was to score more goals than the opposing side. I won't pretend to follow all the intricacies of the game, but I lost count of the number of times the attacking sides took three or four passes back to their own goalie from the penalty area of their opponents - only for him to pass it back up the field to where they started. And the sheer amount of time spent passing the ball around on or near the halfway line is unreal. If they deleted all of that from a recording of a match, you could get all the interesting bits done in about 10 minutes - leaving you about 80 minutes to do something more exciting - like maybe sorting your sock drawer!
What's the idea behind the throw-in? Lineouts in rugby are taken from the spot where the ball goes out of play as determined by the touch judge. In football it seems anywhere within 10 yards of the spot - in whichever direction is the most advantageous to the side throwing in - is OK.
I can't take any of that seriously, but I have learned one thing about the game. If ever I'm struggling to get to sleep, all I need to do is find some game on TV - there's always one somewhere - and watch it for 10 minutes or so. It's simply the best cure for insomnia I've come across! It does leave me a problem though. And that's the crick in my neck I get from falling asleep on the sofa. That would be worth a few weeks sick leave for a footballer!
Don't mind me folks. I've not played football for decades. The last thing I remember doing was letting my best mate teach me how to tackle. He had the ball and I faced him and took it away with just one touch of my foot. He promptly told me I was wrong 'cos I hadn't shuffled my feet around like proper players. Me? Gullible? Yes, but he was my best mate and I was only about 4 years old so I believed him. Consequently I shuffled around but I never got the ball away from him again so I totally lost interest.
I'm going back to ebay to see if I can find more of those books you guys have recommended in the last couple of days.
PS I've just read through this and I can almost hear the death threats from the fans already. Not to worry, a bit of danger will spice up my life so I'm going for it! And it will give them something to argue about with other fans deciding the exact manner of my demise. P'raps they could do that during the 80 minutes or so when nothing else is happening?
PPS I have said I have no understanding of the game and even less interest in learning, so attempts to teach me what I'm missing will be falling on sterile, stony ground. I'm much too old a dog to be learning new tricks. Sorry guys.
PPPS It's only after writing all this that I've realised just how much I dislike the game! But I promise I won't mention it again.
